2020 February - Harper's Bazaar
"I'm so nervous!" There is a sparkling light in his doe-like eyes. "Man-jie had established her own unique aesthetic style. Since I was a designer before, I'm actually still familiar with a photographer's composition. However this time, the protagonist turns out to be me."
After saying this, he heaved a sigh of relief and looked at an unknown focus ahead, the corners of his mouth can't help help but rise, "Dreams do come true."
1. "One minute on stage, Ten years of hard work off stage."
Xiao Zhan also had this familiar sense of unbelievable experience when he recently recorded the variety show "Our Song". Singing alongside Na Ying, Zhou Huajian and etc., Xiao Zhan was in a trance. He grew up listening to their songs and now, he is standing on the same stage as these "Heavenly Kings" in collective memory. Xiao Zhan was naturally frightened. He had to keep his energy up to 120% at all times.
"I was really nervous when I sang with Na Ying-jie in the first three episodes. The rehearsals were even more intense than the actual recording: I was so afraid of singing the wrong note that both of my ears were working very hard in order to listen to the harmony"
He won't allow himself to make mistakes, fearing that the seniors might perceive that he's not seriously prepared. Whether or not he sings perfectly is one thing and whether he uses his heart or not is another matter.
Although several of the songs used in the program are old-school, he wants to put aside his deep-rooted impressions and learn new harmonization techniques "I wanted to make sure that I don't go out of tune at all, and that our voices won't be in conflict with each other..... it's really hard."
His current schedule is almost arranged in minutes. Without enough time to practice, he gathers all the fragments that can be caught. He had listened and memorized every newly-edited demo: "Listening to it repeatedly with headphones in the car, even if you're still listening while asleep, is already equivalent to brainwashing exercises."
Xiao Zhan silently observed his seniors' specific actions: They'll not only pick songs that best suit their voice, but also consider the situation of their partners in regards to the harmonization; During rehearsals, they will constantly communicate with the live music director and the choreographer, then adjust their singing style and change the skill-handling methods in a timely manner. The flexibility that the seniors showed on stage made him sigh even more. The success of the performance can only be achieved through accumulating experiences over and over, it does not rely on luck.
The nervousness he felt when he first appeared on the talent show is still fresh in Xiao Zhan's memory. That time, his legs felt like it was filled with lead. He couldn't move for a moment, but his hands kept shaking, "Self-confidence is needed when performing on stage. Whether it's an improvised spark or an explosive state, it still requires constant practice. Only when you have full confidence in what you want to do, can you create a better sense of the performance."
The seniors had also advised him on how to practice his voice in many ways, including ways to relax his vocal cords. "They all have very professional experiences. What they've taught me were already shortcuts they've summarized themselves."
He was also photographed to be "pouting" several times before he took the stage. "I was not trying to be 'cute'. I just push my mouth to the limit then relax it suddenly. It's a way to let your mouth relax quickly which is very helpful for speaking lines or singing."
If there's an important recording or a performance, he will not eat anything after breakfast that day, following the principle of "饱吹饿唱*"
"I'm actually in a better shape when I'm hungry, hunger makes me more awake."
(*Musicians who play instruments need to eat, while singers need an empty stomach)
Fostering his strengths and avoiding weaknesses is another of his principles: "My voice is more suitable for emotional or fresh and natural songs. If it's a lyrical song, I have 70% confidence on the stage. However, some songs with strong explosive power may not be suitable for me."
The charm of the stage lies in a special "moment". He likes that spontaneous feeling. Regardless of his own state or the audience's feedback, it's something that can't be copied nor repeated. "I don't repeatedly watch my own performance videos. I already know in my heart whether it was good or bad. So I just let bygones be bygones."
2. "Hard work may not ensure success, but if you do not work hard, you will not succeed."
Xiao Zhan feels like becoming a singer and an actor is not offered under a multiple choice question.
"Why do you have to make such a clear distinction that you can't have both? I remember that when we were young, we liked versatile idols. Chen Kun and Zhou Xun, who were recognized as excellent actors, could also sing beautiful songs such as 'Yue Ban Wan" and 'Kan Hai' "
"Nowadays why must idols be only idols, actors are only actors, and singers are only singers? As a matter of fact, I don't quite understand it. Everyone's just doing what they love. It should be alright as long as they're doing it well"
However "doing well" does not depend on a little talent and opportunity. Recently, there had been a popular search on Weibo, lamenting that Xiao Zhan had both of these conditions, but he still described his appearance as "ordinary" and said that his voice was "natural". He is certainly aware that he was lucky to have the opportunity, but he could only match such luck with a more solid effort.
Recently, the TV series "Oath of Love" has finally finished filming. This is his first contemporary drama.
He has grown accustomed to the methods costume dramas are filmed with, and after getting familiar with the atmosphere created by headgear, costumes and speech patterns, he feels nervous about playing a realistic character naturally in the modern world. "After working in a lot of historical period dramas, you tend to create your own 'style', that is, you can exaggerate a little bit and emphasize some stress or emotion."
With a sudden concentration, he pronounced the words melodiously, "My lord, how are you doing today?"
In this dressing room full of piled clothes, it's really fascinating. "Nobody has this kind of cadence in daily life. I was trying to get rid of this 'style', but it's a little difficult." This kind of nature is different from "being yourself" realistically.
"When I sing on stage, I am Xiao Zhan who has lived for more than 20 years. But if I want to become another person while acting, I tend to hesitate when it comes to many details: Should I hold chopsticks this way in this scene? Is it appropriate for me to have a sip of water after this sentence?"
When filming "The Wolf", he would write down his long thoughts after work every day. Although this tedious step has not been maintained until now, but he still keeps the habit of summarizing.
"At that time, it was really like writing a year-end summary every day, dividing it into several sections and outlines. I will record what I've learned that day, what I've done and what I failed to do. Then I'll include what I want to do next time....it's very detailed."
At first, it was at the request of an acting teacher, but Xiao Zhan gradually found this kind of "death effort*" to be very helpful.
(*This is from a proverb “欲求生富贵，须下死功夫” which means that if you want to be rich, you must work yourself to death)
"You may forget some of the important points you have learned after class, but if you record them, even if you don't have a detailed impression afterwards, you can just take a look at it and the forgotten details can be brought up."
Studying with an acting teacher, made him realize that the spoken lines have equal weight to the body's expressive force. "In class, the teacher asked me to close my eyes and speak my lines, using different emotions to express anger, happiness, sadness or being secretive."
"His ultimate goal is for me to forget the fetters of script lines and not be hindered by technicalities." The teacher even threw him a Xinhua Dictionary. "He said you'll win when you finished reading this dictionary."
Xiao Zhan believes in the right place at the right time. When filming "Chen Qing Ling", he once felt that the previous day's condition was not good enough, and asked the director to shoot yesterday's scene again, but when the fourth or fifth shot was taken, the director said that the first one was still the best.
"People's emotions are quite wonderful, just when you hope to offer something more or what you think is better, it often fails to achieve the expected natural emotion. The first take is full of unknowns, none of us actors knows exactly how much effort will be used towards each other, we're constantly stimulating each other, finding which ones are the best triggers that can bring forth the rawest of emotions. Behind the scenes, there's actually a lot of assumptions."
Before starting to shoot a major scene, the whole set will often settle in a solemn atmosphere. "Sometimes I think that I shouldn't dwell on extra thoughts for a while. I want to use 100% of my strength, but sometimes I really can't do it."
"I don't have much experience in acting, but I think we should relax and enjoy it. If a person is too tense up to a breaking point, he can't act well."
The director also told him that to let go of himself since art itself is already full of regret and beauty. "Of course I'll be frustrated if I can't do better, but I've always accepted the existence of regret. My ability is limited, but I can still do my best. The existence of imperfections is not an excuse. I still have to go all out to work hard."
Xiao Zhan understood this truth when he learned to paint when he was a child. Some people are born with the extraordinary sense of painting that is beyond the reach of others. "The most important lesson for everyone is to accept themselves. You don't have to feel discouraged or even desperate just because you saw other's talents."
"Everyone takes a different path. You don't have to compare yourself with others and drive yourself to a dead end. You have to find the most suitable method for yourself and believe that diligence can make up for your weaknesses. Yes, hard work may not ensure success, but if you do not work hard, you will not succeed."
3. "The wish to become an ordinary person"
"As Xiao Zhan, I may not be able to experience all those crazy things life has to offer. Now that I'm already a public figure, I can't be too presumptuous nor express my emotions freely, but I can experience a different lives through dramas."
The previous project he had was recently wrapped up for more than a month, yet he found that he couldn't wait to devote himself to the next one. "It's just that I have this desire to move quickly on to a new life, and I like the feeling of separating myself out."
But afterwards, he will still say goodbye to that character, and get back to his own life.
In 2019, "Xiao Zhan" has become one of the most high-profile names. Although he rejects any "character design" and hopes to show his most natural authentic self, he would still be the subject of projection from various imaginations.
One consequence was that too much attention has been given on his private life, which makes him feel somewhat insecure.
He hoped that he could still continue to be an ordinary person, to be able to eat out, watch movies, and retain his peace of mind.
"Of course I'll be more careful in expressing myself. I'm actually very cautious. I no longer represent Xiao Zhan alone, but a lot of issues are now related to my team. Even if it's not for myself, there's actually no need to create unnecessary trouble."
When confronted with difficulties, he digests most of them by himself.
"To be honest, I haven't encountered too many problems that I can't personally solve. Whenever there are problems, other people can offer some advice, maybe give you some direction, shout a few words to cheer you on. But at the end of the day, they can't truly help solve it for you.
"How to hold on, how to survive, it all still depends on yourself, because you're the only one who knows what truly happened."
This year he kept on flying and rushing nonstop, but in principle, he felt that it was no different from his past career as a designer. "Designers also often have to work overtime, then they can relax on weekends."
The night before the shoot, he had insomnia, so he "fell into a coma" while putting on makeup, and he only had a few quick bites for breakfast and lunch. This has become the norm in his life. "This is a difficult stage, but you have to get through it. And I don't think it's a exhausting job. I enjoy my work and I also enjoy the sense of security and fulfillment that this busyness brings me."
He still has unlimited expectations, such as having other hobbies besides painting. For example, maybe take up further studies on design, or recently he had been wondering whether he can learn a new musical instrument. "But sometimes what I want most is to go home or to a hotel and relax in a bed. I'll figure out what to do afterwards once I get back up."
